it wasn't me

i'm having a series of random thoughts lately. changing jobs isn't the easiest of tasks in my reality. however i do take comfort in the opportunity to reinvent myself and tweak a few areas of my personality. with that i start with my "good girl image" project. i began by fixing my 1st day outfit - blue bootcut jeans, collared shirt with a green (environmental, not dirty)-themed design, and sneakers. i wore short, dangling white stone earrings, and light, natural make-up. it lasted a day. i was back to my old porma on the 2nd day. and as in normal cookie chronicles, i feel like it's image fail by the 3rd day. i asked around how people go out at 6am and i was answered by a very sad 'you don't get to do that after shift'. i was like WHAT??? and once again my good girl image project got reflushed down the drain. which brings me to the issue of pretty girls hating pretty girls. for the past days everyone was complimenting me on how i look. i'm having a hard time downplaying myself and diverting attention away from me. are people hating on me already? i hate that bitch that started making me feel this way. but maybe i'm a bitch myself. i don't get the whole fake accent thing. i mean, don't fake an accent when all that's faked is the consonants. there are vowels, people! i AM a bitch.

Ok. So forgive me for having yet another conspiracy theory. I'm just saying that maybe, just maybe, the police isn't incompetent at all. It's not the negotiator, it's not the gadgets, not the diskarte. It may be that Mr. Hostage-Taker is police himself. Think about it, whoever takes the shot to take him out may be in for a lifetime of fear of revenge from the rest of Mr. Hostage-Taker's "kapit".

Since I always travel anyway, I figured why not start my own travel blog? I've bored even myself from talking about my life - and that part has always been disastrous anyway - so I'm talking about something else for a change. I love travelling and photography and dining so voila! Let's see where this goes.

we had a meeting earlier for the newsletter and i'm doing the interview on the big boss. this will keep me busy for a long while i suppose. or i hope. haha.

just had korean food and i have to admit, it still doesn't sit well with my tongue. i don't know why i have a problem with asian food when i AM asian. the only food i like from our region is from my own country. and i find that weird.

can i just say that i *love* jacob black?! he's so hot. and that paul guy! as a friend commented after watching new moon, daming ulam! haha. yummy.

i think i'm starting to get interested in where this *james* thing is headed... he's planning to leave, i'm ok to stay. nothing's happening yet. or ever. arf.

i failed miserably. i'm not used to failing and this time i half disappointed and half relieved. when this whole sme business started i really felt like it was a great opportunity. but as i progress through the application process, i felt like i was overexposed. i mean there are other talents out there and i was overshadowing each and everyone. i know that sounds too noble but that's how i felt. plus the fact that i din't want to leave my current team. i knew i wasn't ready to be out there and i felt like it shouldn't be me.

my mistake was not discussing this with my boss. he should have been the first to know because he was the first person i will be disappointing next to myself.

i hate this feeling. i hope we get to talk soon so i could explain. i made a bad choice, but i don't regret the result.